Relationship jokes
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
Hi! I love my dog.
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
Women, you're a marshmallow because you're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.