Relationship jokes

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

My friend Harry.

What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

My dad left me, lol.

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

To have someone to call "daddy."

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"