Relationship jokes
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Throw the bed sheet or better yet, throw the entire bed out
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
Your dad must be a mailman.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."