Relationship jokes

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

Your mom is hot.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Why did the boy ask a question to the girl?

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

My friend Harry.

My dad left me, lol.

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

To have someone to call "daddy."

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IDK! WHY?

To go see yo mama!