Relationship jokes
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
Memes
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?
Nothing.
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!