Relationship jokes

Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?