Relationship jokes
I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have no friends :'(
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Wife: "Hi honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not...."
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?