Relationship jokes
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
That shirt's very becoming on you.
If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?
She was date raped.
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.