I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
