She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My girlfriend dumped me so I stole her weel chair she came crowding back
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
