Relationship jokes
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.
My nan's gayyyyyy.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Your mum gay, lol.
My mum.
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."