Relationship jokes
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Mum is the best!
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
I f*** my dad. Please help me. 😭😭😭😭
Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Ur mom gay.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.