Relationship jokes
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."