Relationship jokes
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.
"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."