Relationship jokes

A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!

I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.

Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

"Will you listen now?!??"

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them!

I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

Your mom gay.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.