A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
Relationship Jokes
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
My dad left me.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
You mom.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see.
Joke: Tori’s boyfriend's life 😂😂
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."
Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."
And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."
I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
