Relationship jokes
My mom is gay.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?
He made her.
Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
Mom
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."