Relationship jokes
Anal sex is for A**holes.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Why can't melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
My mom is gay.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."