Relationship jokes

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.

You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)

Me: I fucked your mom.

Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.

What do you call your son?

An mistake.

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

My sexlife xddddddddd

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.

Q: Why did the chip run away?

A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.

My d*ck is hard, what's your name?

Two husbands walk into a bar.

The first one says, "My wife is an angel."

The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."