Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
Relationship Jokes
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
Who likes penis?
My cousin!
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
O Dario tem namorada?
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
Rock, paper, lesbians.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
