Who did the bee 🐝 marry?
Her honey!
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Fuck you and your shitty family!
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
Me and 1/2 of my friends.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
The thing my mom birthed.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
