I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
Your mom and your dad.
I like my men like I like my Alexa:
By my bed and turned on.
I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
