Relationship jokes

"Uwu daddy."

What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll f*ck your mom, and you'll be next.

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

What’s it called when an orphan takes a photo?

A family picture.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.