Red jokes
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
Why is the Moon red today?
The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.