Red jokes
Why is the Moon red today?
The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you can throw them.