Record jokes
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?
A: They keep breaking records!
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.
Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week. I picked the not so big businesses and places to do prank phone calls: Burger King, JCPenney's, and neighbors. I will tell you what I said.
Me: "Hello, this is... Zariana and I am from New York." Burger King staff: "Well we work in Florida." Me: "Good, now I want a large cake with some salad... with some eggnog... and some baby food." Burger King: "We don't serve any of that, ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go, please!" Burger King staff: "Sorry ma'am, we don't ha-" And I hung up on him right before he could say "have." Now JCPenney's ordering.
Me: "Hello, this is Trina from South Carolina." JCPenney's register: "Yes, what can I do for you, ma'am?" Me: "Excuse me?" JCPenney's register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with, ma'am." Me: "Sorry, I can't hear you... what!" JCPenney's register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER, MA'AM?" Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" JCPenney's register: "Ma'am, can you hear correctly?" Me: "YES, I CAN... NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" JCPenney's register: "No ma'am, I was just saying tha-" Hung up.
Next one was on my neighbors, Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you, but do you know what this word means: fhermkrekm?" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What, who is this?" Me: "Ummm... Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "So what does what word mean again?" Me: "fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on her now Mr. Morris.
Me: "Hola Sr. Morris, que pasa?" Mr. Morris: "Sorry, what, I don't speak Spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used a translator app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait, but what does tha-"
I bet you're wondering how I got these phone calls remembered, well I recorded them! I don't know how but I did. Btw not Spanish just learned really quickly.
What do you call someone with a pindie spot?
Stop screen recording.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Community talk
did youuu knowwwwww , Robert Wadlow is the tallest man in the world standing at 8 ft 11.1 in (272.0 cm).
Matt, I'm making a record. This is the 2nd time i have spoken to you seriously. Can you please ban AG? He just posted Femboy pornograph. And he's made a RapBoat duplicate account, saying things such really vile while wanting us to think he's our good friend RapBoat, E.G "I like to get railed by men". Now although there is a slight difference in usernames, it's only a line that's a few pixels wide. And this is truly stressing RapBoat. In the comments I'll send an SS of the link he sent to view the porn. And I'll also send the link to the convo. Thank you
The Ferrari F40 (Type F120) is a mid-engine, rear-wheel drive sports car engineered by Nicola Materazzi with styling by Pininfarina. It was built from 1987 until 1992, with the LM and GTE race car versions continuing production until 1994 and 1996 respectively. As the successor to the 288 GTO (also engineered by Materazzi), it was designed to celebrate Ferrari's 40th anniversary and was the last Ferrari automobile pe… Read more