Record

Record Jokes

Music

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Red Dot

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

Rapper

Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?

Because his bars were ice.

Incest

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Brotha

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

Rapper

How do rappers stay cool in the studio?

They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!

Rapper

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the "mic drop" was too high!

Defendant

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

Stereotype

Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?

Because Americans are really good at separating colors.

Indian

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

Secret

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Orphanage

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

Pp

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

Dick

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

Kill

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

9/11

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.