Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the MIC DROP was too high
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American? Cause Americans are really good at separating colors.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?
Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
