Record jokes
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the "mic drop" was too high!
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.