Record jokes
What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?
Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.
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Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Guys, put more comments in.
We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.
Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!
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Most Dislikes: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5a6f42308b40a83af3dda515/today-was-a-terrible-day
Worst Dislike Ratio: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5b5293efa5535a611745773c/guys-go-ot-httpsworstjokesevercomjokes5b3937c1a328f6072c316bd6hey-guys-who-wants-to-play-roblox-with-me-we-can-go
Most Comments: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603e8cd3eccd25122cb21897/guys-lets-make-this-post-have-the-most-comments-on-the-whole-website
All records are as of March 11th, 2021.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.