Record

Record Jokes

Red Dot

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

Train

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

DJ

Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?

A: They keep breaking records!

Mama

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

Victim

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.

Chuck Norris

Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

Kid

Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

Difference

What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?

Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.

Comment

Guys, put more comments in.

We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.

Roulette

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

Defendant

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

Rapper

Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?

Because his bars were ice.

Music

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.