The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
Why did my wife leave me?
I wish I knew.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
Why did the boy shoot the clock?
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Yo mama was really the reason why the Titanic sunk.
