The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
Why did Princess Di cross the road? Momentum.
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
Why is the Moon red today?
The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
