Read Jokes

Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!

Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?

It was too much pressure.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

I'm too lazy to read gags. http://gestyy.com/eiDOWp

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

The image shows a cartoon penguin with wide eyes, looking startled and a bit panicked, with a blurry, translucent version of itself layered behind it. Above the penguin, the text says "When a teacher walks up to you during an exam and looks at your paper then shouts 'Guys make sure you read the questions carefully.'"

What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?

Pony-tails.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

Your gay If you read this

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."