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Friend

    • So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

    "Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

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    • Rule

    • I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

    Here are some rules to make a good joke:

    1: Don't say “my life.”

    2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

    3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

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    • Arthritis

    • On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

    Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

    "Do you know what arthritis is?"

    The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

    "It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

    The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

    A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

    "How long have you had arthritis?"

    "I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

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    • Cat

    • READ THIS OUT LOUD:

    This is this cat.

    This is cat.

    This is how cat.

    This is to cat.

    This is keep cat.

    This is an cat.

    This is idiot cat.

    This is a busy cat.

    This is for cat.

    This is forty cat.

    this is seconds cat.

    NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

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    • Read memes

    Memory Loss

    • "Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

    I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

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    • Hand

    • Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

    From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

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    • Sign

    • I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

    Teacher

    • The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

    No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

    Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

    Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

    The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

    Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

    Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

    “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

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