Ran jokes

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?

Because she ran out of immortali-tea.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.

Old man: I ran over five miles today.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!