Puns

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.

Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

What's an alien's favorite computer key?

The space bar!

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

What did one needle say to the other?

"You be looking sharp!"

I play Fortnite, but also I play Minecraft for 14 nights.

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.