Puns
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Did you know that ASL is a dead language?
Yeah, nobody speaks it.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? - Carlos.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.