Puns
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.