Puns

Don’t fart in an Apple Store.

It has no Windows.

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?

Cat-egories.

Get it?

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have anty-bodies.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

What did the beaver say to his son?

Dam, son.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.