Puns
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
What do teachers eat? They eat square stuff.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.