Puns
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
What do teachers eat? They eat square stuff.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?