America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
Why did the orange go blind? Cause he was low on vitamin c
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
A depressed man was caught on top of the empire state building with marijuana, needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do to wrights make? The first airplane.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried
A cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.🥁
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago
Then i asked him how many years ago
He replied with ”when were you born?”
What do sprinters eat before a race? -- Nothing, they fast.
What do you call an elf that sings: A Wrapper
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Jokes about menstruation are never funny, PERIOD!
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What do need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak
