Puns

Why didn't the drummer play?

Because he got a percussion.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt crummy.

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?

A: Because it was on crack.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

What is the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer balls, two for under a buck!

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

I make science puns, but only periodically.

What do you call a dead parrot?

Polygon.

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."