Puns
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!