Puns
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!