Puns

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.

What do you call a gay cactus?

A "prick."

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"

The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

Get confused with Confucius!

What do planets use to download music?

Nep-tunes.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."

What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?

CORE-ean

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.