Puns

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,

They would be alloys.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Why did the MOSFET go to jail?

It had a charge for battery.

What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

Sometimes, stairs get me down.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?

Because he kept on running out of the pen.

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.