Puns
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
New Orleans cuisine has always been my favorite; however, I only eat gumbo on oc-cajun.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
What do planets read?
Comet books.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"