Puns
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Butter believe it.
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Why did 6 hate 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
weixian
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What are cow jokes considered?
Cheesy.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."