Puns
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
My Butterfingers slipped.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
Stand in the corner.
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? - Carlos.
Are you peeling well?