Puns
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.