Puns
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Butter believe it.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."