Puns
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!