Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

The furniture store keeps calling me back… But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.

What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

Does your shoe have a hole in it


Then how did you put your foot in it

Knock Knock! Who’s there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I’m a frayed knot

Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?

Actually I shouldn’t spread it.

I know it’s cheesy, but I feel grate.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they’re dead.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?


What did the fish say before he hit the wall? – “Oh, dam.”

Rainbows TOP the class as they always score with flying colours

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? – A bi-polar-bear.