Puns
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.