Puns
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
What kind of overalls does Mario wear?
Denim-denim-denim!
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.