Puns
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.