Puns
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.