Puns

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?

'Cause he wanted higher grades.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Are you a banana...

because I find you a-peeling!

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

Jokes about menstruation are never funny, period!

I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.