How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? -- He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Two men walk into a bar you’d think the second one would’ve seen it
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. -- But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I canteloupe.
Wanna hear a terrible Joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-a-war?
A: pulled pork
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
