Puns

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.

What do you call a piece of paper? A piece of paper.

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?

Orbiter: "Or bitter?"

Why is a waiter good at math?

Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!

Josh

I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.

What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.