Puns

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.

What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.

Me: Hey, what book are you reading?

Him: "The Twisted Ones."

Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.

I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"

BOB: Wanna know a joke?

LILLY: What? Your hat?

BOB: No, my life :'(

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.

What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forest1

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

It's punny.

Murder: Wanna play a game?

Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!