My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
Puns
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
Josh
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
