It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Puns
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!
This ain't your mama's monologue.
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I don't know what to say.
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
