Puns

I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.

When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,

he went to Ja-mall.

How do inmates keep in touch?

They have cell phones.

You: What you doing?

I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

Velcro is such a rip-off.

What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?

A period.

Why?

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

If museums are full of dead things...

Then why aren't there any memes inside them?

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?

"9 Juan Juan, who this?"

A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.

I had to fix his collarbone.