Puns
Don't touch my bot.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.