Puns
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
Ma name is Bendover.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ya.
Ya who?
Yahooooo!!!
Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.
Bruh, don't be punny.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
Why did 6 hate 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.