Puns
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.
Bruh, don't be punny.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
Why did 6 hate 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.