Puns

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sour-puss.

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me but it just made him sweat.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense)

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

Why did the squirrel swim on its back so it didn't get it's nuts wet

What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!

Where does a snowman keep his money?

In a snowbank.

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 Detour

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

you know what pun is used for waist? nothing. you'll find nothing. it's just a waist of time.

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

These are bee puns.🐝

I BEElive you are eager to hear!🐝 I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝 (Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!