Puns
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?
'Cause he wanted higher grades.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.