My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities.
I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors ,witch door should you pick. The seventh door
“What time is it?”
“Daytime.”
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend .
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
Because they cut deep.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
If your sister steps on your toe . You will call it ?
What flour do orphans use?
Self-raising flour.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
What do you call a white bucket a Pail
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
