Puns
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Is BB hungry? No, BB-8.
Is it incest if it’s out in the open?
Or is it... outcest?
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?
Because you are looking a little bit GaY.