Puns
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
You want to hear a joke? You......
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
Puns, that's how I roll.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? - Carlos.
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
Fuck off!
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!