Puns
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
You want to hear a joke? You......
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
Puns, that's how I roll.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."