Puns
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.