Puns
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
Eggs
You crack me up!
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What do you call German Music in Spanish? Españodelling.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
No, you!
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.