Puns
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.
Joke.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Skeleton puns? Nah... they aren't that humerus.
This website!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Make like a drum and beat it!
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
I have a trombone.