Puns
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.