What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.

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  • My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

    Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

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  • I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

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  • Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

    My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

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