Puns
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
I lick cows for my mother.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Hey updog!
What's updog?
(Laughter)
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."