Puns
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What do you call high Mexicans?
Baked beans ;)
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?
Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
"Wanna hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"You SURE will be glad when this dad joke's over."
"That was pretty DAD!"
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
"Puta, banana in your ear!"