Puns
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
Laugh.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
What do you call a gay cactus?
A "prick."
What do stomata use to fill their pools?
Chlor-ine.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Josh
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
My dick itches.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
No, I don't want to.
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
Yeet.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.